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Confidence is appealing. We are attracted to people who
exude it. Confident people seem more reliable and are usually more pleasant to
spend time with. They are also more apt to achieve their goals.
Like it or not, people who present a lack of self-confidence
are perceived in a less favourable light.
Time and time again my “un-confident” clients express strong
emotions around being perceived as “weak” by the important people in their
Being perceived as “weak” might be easily ignored if the
source is insignificant. However, the messaging (subtle and blatant) is usually
being offered by spouses, friends and employers.
We can respond to how we believe others see us in different ways. We may try to ignore others unflattering
perceptions of us, or we may begin to question whether there is some truth in their
assessment of us. At some point we might make the decision to take difficult to
hear feedback to heart.
Many of my clients work hard to convince themselves that
others opinions are “wrong” or simply do not matter. This use of energy often becomes
a losing battle once they are honest about the results they are creating in
life. A lack of self-confidence will always interfere with reaching our
Without confidence we are simply less likely to attract the
people and situations that will allow us to grow and feel successful. We are
more apt to let fear-based thinking get in the way of opportunities.
The reality is we are social creatures and need healthy
connections in order to thrive. Developing and sustaining a relationship with
someone who experiences life through the lens of feeling “un-confident” can be challenging
and draining for spouses, friends and employers.
Like it or not, the perceptions of others will impact our ability
to create a satisfying present and future. The belief that others see us as
“weak” makes us susceptible to a vicious cycle that often leads to an even
lower sense of self-confidence. The following are common feedback phrases that
have been offered to “un-confident” clients over the years from significant
1. -s/he is insecure or needy
2. -s/he must be tip-toed around
3. -s/he is easy to forget or overlook
4. -s/he is passive aggressive
5. -s/he refuses to heal and grow
6. -s/he lacks ambition or drive
7.-s/he is difficult to get to know
Sorting through others perceptions of us can be difficult. Whether
the feedback is subtle or blatant the messaging is felt and therefore must be
“handled” or processed. We either choose
to deal with it by continually dismissing it (even disparaging the source), or
we take the time to honestly assess whether or not a lack of self-confidence
has interfered with reaching our potential.