“I am not satisfied with my level of general achievement.”
- Almost everyone who identifies as someone who lacks
confidence believes that their level of achievement is subpar. There is deep
knowing that the life they are living is not in keeping with their original potential. This knowing can lead to complacency, frustration, sadness and anger. Sometimes this knowing can also lead to adopting unhelpful coping mechanism to dull the pain. Anyone who is predisposed to depression, anxiety or addiction is at risk.
“I find it difficult to express myself.”
- Many people who identify as someone who lacks
confidence have some difficulty in expressing their needs and wants. This can
cause havoc in personal and professional relationships. I would even go so far
as to say, that those with confidence issues are often not even fully conscious
of what their true needs and wants are. Communication is a huge concern for people who lack confidence. it can often be difficult to speak up or advocate for one's self if we do not believe that our needs are valid or have a history of being dismissed. This can result in resentment and a lack of progress. Opportunities are missed and the self retreats.
“I generally do not feel likable.”
- Individuals who have adopted identity of one who
lacks confidence are often highly sensitive to the opinions of others. Yet,
when we commit to becoming the CEO of our life and begin to craft new belief
and expectations for ourselves, our own assessments take priority. By honoring
who we are we build self-love and self-respect and become likable to ourselves. Not feeling likable is closely connected to comparing oneself with others. Those who identify with a non-confidence persona
often compare themselves negatively with others. Comparison with others is
human nature. You will read more about this in the complimentary workbook.
“I do not have a clear vision of a positive
- Life lived with a lack of confidence can be
draining and frustrating. This often leads to having limited mental energy for
constructing a clear vision of a positive future. Survival mode depletes the
crucial resources of time and energy. Little “oomph” is left over to create a
meaningful, realistic but challenging vision.
“I let fear rule my life.”
- Lacking confidence often means that we view
ourselves as unable to cope with expectations or challenges. Fear only rules
our life to the extent that we believe in our capacity to learn and grow.
Seeing ourselves as learners, or what I refer to as solution focused amateur social
scientists helps to push us past the belief that we cannot make significant or
lasting changes. New situations can feel unbearable for someone who
lacks confidence. New situations require us to move out of robotic mode and be
on our toes. A negative anticipation of outcomes is common for those lacking
confidence. Negative anticipation over time becomes a learned pattern that
creates serious obstacles to growth. Fear of embarrassment can lead to not trying new things. Fear based thinking is common for people who lack
confidence. The curiosity and willingness to experiment
becomes stifled. We began this life with a natural tendency to grow and
expand. Yet, over time we create comfort zones to protect us from the unavoidable
pain of living.
Terri Lee Cooper MSc. RSW