Patterns. Identity. Self-leadership.
A free weekly newsletter on patterns, identity, behavior, and change.
Explore weekly observations on ordinary moments that shape behavior, direction, and change over time. You’ll receive weekly observations on patterns, identity, and self-leadership, along with occasional updates about related resources, programs, and new ways to explore the work.
Read a full sample issue below before signing up.
These weekly observations use a social psychology lens to explore ordinary patterns, identity, and self-leadership — especially how roles, environments, and expectations shape the way people respond.
They emerge from the broader Cow Path Model of Change™ and the Amateur Social Scientist approach to patterns, behavior, and self-observation.
Delivered on Wednesdays 9am Mountain Time.
The first issue is included below so you can get a feel for the tone, pace, and focus before signing up.
Sample issue
The decision may already be made.
No announcement. No dramatic line in the sand. Just a quiet internal agreement.
- I am not going to check that tonight.
- I am going to start with the important thing.
- I am going to say no.
- I am going to stop explaining.
- I am going to leave that alone for now.
- I am not going to reopen this today.
For a moment, the direction is clear.
Then the private negotiation begins.
- Maybe I should just look once.
- Maybe I should answer so it does not sit there.
- Maybe this is not the right time.
- Maybe I should make an exception.
- Maybe I need more information.
- Maybe I am being unreasonable.
- Maybe I should wait until I feel more certain.
Nothing has technically changed.
But the decision has started to loosen.
A person may not call this indecision.
From the inside, it may feel more responsible than that. More careful. More thoughtful. More flexible. More realistic.
They are not necessarily avoiding the decision. They are reviewing it.
At least, that is how it can appear.
But some decisions are not being reviewed because new information has arrived.
They are being reviewed because the familiar discomfort has arrived.
- The discomfort of leaving something unanswered.
- The discomfort of disappointing someone.
- The discomfort of beginning before feeling ready.
- The discomfort of not checking.
- The discomfort of letting a boundary stand.
- The discomfort of allowing a choice to remain chosen.
That discomfort can make an already-made decision feel unfinished.
The person may not move backward all at once.
They simply reopen the door.
They think about it again. They explain it again. They look for another angle. They imagine someone else’s reaction. They soften the decision until it becomes negotiable.
By the time the original choice disappears, it may not feel like it was abandoned.
It may feel like it was thoughtfully revised.
There is a difference between receiving new information and re-entering an old discomfort.
New information changes the situation.
Old discomfort changes the feeling of the situation.
That difference matters.
A person may decide not to check the message, then feel the pull of wondering whether something changed.
A person may decide to say no, then feel the pressure of imagining how the other person will respond.
A person may decide to begin the meaningful task, then feel the unease of not being fully prepared.
A person may decide to stop explaining, then feel the old need to be understood.
In each case, the discomfort can present itself as a reason to reconsider.
- Maybe this needs one more look.
- Maybe I should be more available.
- Maybe I should wait.
- Maybe I should explain better.
- Maybe I am missing something.
Sometimes that is true.
But not always.
Sometimes the feeling of uncertainty is not a signal that the decision is wrong. It is the familiar sensation of doing something differently.
The Amateur Social Scientist posture is useful here because it does not begin by forcing the person to be more decisive.
It begins by studying the pause.
- What decision had already been made?
- What feeling appeared after the decision?
- What did that feeling ask me to reconsider?
- Did new information arrive, or did old discomfort arrive?
- What usually happens next?
This kind of noticing creates a clearer distinction between thoughtful adjustment and automatic reopening.
That distinction is important because repeated renegotiation can quietly train identity.
A person may begin to see themselves as inconsistent, unclear, too easily influenced, or unable to follow through.
But the pattern may be more specific than that.
They may be able to choose.
They may struggle more with letting the choice remain chosen after discomfort appears.
That is a different observation.
It does not solve the pattern immediately.
But it gives the person a more accurate place to look.
Self-leadership is not always a larger decision.
Sometimes it is allowing a small decision to remain intact long enough to see what happens.
- Not rigidly.
- Not stubbornly.
- Not when new information genuinely changes the situation.
But when the only new arrival is the familiar discomfort that usually reopens the pattern.
There is a quiet strength in noticing that moment without immediately obeying it.
The message can remain unchecked for now.
The no can remain no.
The meaningful task can remain first.
The explanation can remain unsent.
The decision can remain chosen, even while discomfort is present.
That may feel surprisingly unfamiliar.
But unfamiliar does not always mean wrong.
Sometimes it simply means the old negotiation has not been given its usual authority.
And that is a meaningful observation.
Because a future direction is not shaped only by the choices a person makes.
It is also shaped by whether those choices are allowed to stand long enough to become evidence.
Until next Wednesday,
Terri
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