Hello, I am glad you are here. I hope that you will take some time to move around the site and take a moment to meet "Bob." You will find a variety of resources on the site. You can complete the beginners program, and if this work suits you, you may wish to explore the model in greater detail.
For now, explore the site, participate as per your comfort level, and become acquainted with the proprietary Cow Path Model of Change™. This model may be ideal for you if you appreciate a solution-focused approach.
While the model has been used to address a range of issues with individuals and groups in the office, on this website, our focus is confidence-building.
This ultimately means that we seek to raise our level of self-belief. Often this means that we enter a process of redefining how we see ourselves. To do that, we need to understand "Bob."
By working through the beginners program, you have an opportunity to see the simplicity of the model. If you so desire, options for continued work are available once the foundation is in place.
You may want to visit the Is this for you? page.
Without awareness, curiosity, planning, and experimenting, you will likely find that your circumstances in the future are the same as they are today. Why is that? It is because we humans (like cows) are creatures of habit. Habits have a programmed neurological reality that resists change.
"Bob," our internal primitive robot, prefers what is familiar, even if it causes us pain. Yes, the primitive internal robot is our subconscious mind. Here, we refer to him as a robot and have named him "Bob." This part of ourselves can be stubborn and has difficulty with change. "Bob" prefers old cow paths because they are easier to travel down and require less energy and thought. The good news is that "Bob" can be redirected to new, freely chosen cow paths once we meet his learning needs.
What is a cow path?What does that have to do with us humans?
Some cow paths bring us plenty of joy and other goodies. They allow us to experience life as someone with a strong self-belief or confidence. Some cow paths bring us nothing but pain, frustration, and disappointment and minimize the belief we have in ourselves.
In a nutshell: cows travel back and forth from the barn to the field, over and over again, and create a path of least resistance. The cow path becomes familiar, natural, and well-worn. These cute critters go from A to B without thinking, planning, analyzing, making to-do lists, or asking anyone's opinion. We can see the trodden cow path these cuties make. What we don't get is a visual on the neurological reality of cellular memory being created.
We humanoids travel down our own version of cow paths every day. We naturally experience and demonstrate the same automatic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors over and over, again and again.
We call these our programmed patterns. They have a range of triggers, anchors, and associations that often are outside our conscious awareness. When we try to travel down a new cow path, we become frustrated and exhausted because our robotic mind, "Bob" resists change.
Creating new ways of being that last and are easily maintained requires, at a minimum:
What else besides our
thoughts, feelings, and behaviors become programmed cow paths? Our beliefs are
often a function of programming in that they are foisted upon us by early
amateur programmers (aka parents and other early authorities). Some of our
beliefs still serve us, and others get in the way of reaching our potential and
goals. If we have not consciously chosen and tested a belief, it may be
In many ways, our self-concept is a product of programming too. While nature plays a role in our development, our early exposure to authority figures and the environment (social programming) weigh heavily on how we learn to see and evaluate ourselves.
When we think of building confidence, we may automatically ask ourselves questions about how or when we would like to be more confident. We are essentially looking for the “purpose.” For example,
The list can go on and on.
The reality is that we may feel a huge sense of confidence in some areas of life, and lack confidence in other areas. We may feel confident in an area where we have developed mastery or an area that is in alignment with our innate tendencies. We may feel less confident in areas where we have little experience, unclear guidelines, or lack supportive role models.
Ideally, when we begin to doubt ourselves and let fear get in the way of our progress, the internal message that rushes to the surface is...”I got this, I am a curious learner, and with incremental realistic steps, I can, will, and am figuring this out.” This is a message that bubbles forth when we have come to a place of truly, deeply, believing in ourselves.
Having said that, to be clear, for our purposes here, we
will not address social confidence per se, work confidence per se, or
relationship communication confidence per se...etc.
I submit that once we build a deep-seated belief in the self, addressing specific life challenges becomes easier. When we begin to understand how our self-concept was formed and how we can help the primitive robotic mind (subconscious aka “Bob” ) to accept adjustments, what we think, do, feel, and say, can begin to shift for the better.
Once that begins to happen, we start to see ourselves differently (self-image). More than that, our self-concept begins to change.
P.S. Have you listened to
the AUDIO POST-Can We Be Our Own Role Model? 10.26 mins